weekend lookback, august 11

Row 1: morning sunlight | paddleboarding | beach time; Row 2: Morning in Neel's garden | tomato pie

Well, the August migraines have begun, it seems. Who's tired of my bitching? (Waves hand madly.) I'd had a nice reprieve in July, but they're back in full force, and I'm reminded of how much I hate this time of year. Neel's work has turned up to a fever pitch (medical school classes start today), and he worked all weekend. As we look down the road, he has meetings and conferences that will cause him to miss back-to-school night and make our turn-around to get to Erin's wedding tight.

The thing I have most to look forward to in the coming weeks is Cal's birthday (15-- yipes!), but the moms among us will know that along with the joy there's all the stuff too. All the getting ready and the doing of things and managing of things.

So right now I'm grateful a quiet house (Cal's at a sleepover and our dogs are SO lazy). For the last two weeks of summer vacation. For #perception_collection which is gathering together so many wonderful photos and photographers, old and new. For another photography project I've become involved in (No Flowers, No Kids for the month of August) with a great group of women -- it's slowly pulling me out of my funk, in little fits and spurts. For a great visit we just had with my mom. For the feeling of finally clearing out some of the clutter that's been weighing us down. (Of course our whole utility room's worth of clutter is currently sitting in my living room, but whatever.)

I've been doing a lot of soul searching about my place in this online world and my feelings about this space. Annie calls it a Life Wobble, and I love that phrase so much that I'm totally stealing it. Truth is, I never blogged for page views and the word branding makes me shudder. And yet, I love this space and the (tiny) community that comes with it. I'm having a hard time making decisions right now; just trying to one-day-at-a-time-it. But, I'm sticking. Sticking around and taking pictures and cooking food and writing about my life. In the long term at least.

In the short term? The beach is calling, and my kid has two weeks of summer vacation left. I might not be around as much as I tend to the home fires. Thank you guys. Thank you, thank you. For always checking in. For worrying about my headache and for always reading and wondering what's going on in this little head of mine. XO

summer summer {life}

Well, summer is coming to a close. Callum heads back to school on Monday so our days are truly winding down. He finished off with a bang, heading to a Phillies game with Neel this week (Phillies! For the win! FINALLY.) and a canoe trip down the Brandywine on the way home. We'll sneak in a beach trip or two to finish things off, but really, for all of us, all eyes are on the coming weeks. 

I can't lie and say that this summer has been spectacularly awesome for me. Don't get me wrong, our highs were really, really high (Hello, London and Paris), but I've been riding a melancholy train for most of the summer that I can't seem to shake. Discontent is a tricky thing. It seeps into the edges of things and is waiting to meet you around the corner. It is not your friend.

I've felt beat down and sad in sometimes astonishing ways, and then alternately mad at myself because truly? There's a lot to be happy for.  

And still. 

Still. This has been, for many reasons, a summer more of muted tans and grays than bold and vibrant pinks and oranges, and I think sometimes there are seasons that are just like that. Is it just horrible around here? No way. Could I say more about all of this? Probably. Is it possible to verbalize what I'm feeling? Not really. Some things are buried too deep.

If you've read this blog for any length of time or if you know me at all, you might remember that we're heading into my absolutely least favorite time of year. Late August through September is brutal on my heart and soul. This year, I've managed to (mostly) escape my usual spate of late-summer migraines, and there is much anticipated joy as Cal turns 14 in a few short weeks.

And still.

In think we're all looking forward to a new school year, and I'm trying to look within and figure out how to find my way out of the gloom. I need some more vibrant colors and less muted tans and grays.